Amanda Rose Zampelli | the blog

Oprah & Deepak's 21-Day Meditation Experience

At the beginning of August, I saw a post on loveMaegan (one of my favorite blog reads) entitled LET'S MEDITATE! // OPRAH & DEEPAK'S MEDITATION EXPERIENCE. I read the post and thought about my month of May 2013 when I made it a goal to meditate. When I recapped at the end of the month, I noted times when I did meditative-like activities, but felt like I failed at actual meditation overall. 

Then a few days ago, I posted about anxiety, therapy, zen habits, and my initial thoughts on meditation.  The one 20-minute sample meditation exercise I completed with Oprah & Deepak was eye and soul-opening for me and I decided it was the right time and just the kick-in-the-butt I needed to really attempt this.

Enter August 11th, and the start of Oprah & Deepak's 21-Day Meditation Experience.

 

From then until yesterday, every day for the past 21 days, I made sure to sit with one of my apple devices and headphones and listen to that day's 20 minute recording. Every day for the past 21 days, I listened to Oprah and Deepak share their thoughts on happiness, play, peace, kindness, contentment, gratitude, compassion, serenity, and other components of full, happy life.  Every day for the past 21 days, I've set aside time to relax, to be quiet, to focus on a mantra and release my brain from worry a tiny bit.

Oprah said it all in yesterday's meditation when she said, "This is what YOU did for YOU these past three weeks."  It's all been good. Really good stuff.

However, I would have to say most notably: two of meditation's 'really good stuff' has been the best for me. The first thing is that every day for the past 21 days I felt myself become aware of my core state -- that silent, still, safe place inside that knows I am okay.  Secondly, this meditation experience has given me a greater understanding of mindfulness, or registering mindfully what is going on around you at the very moment in which you are, not dwelling on the past or ruminating about the future. 

For someone like me who often worries incessantly and struggles with bouts of anxiety, these two things have been miracle discoveries. When I'm in that anxious state of mind, I have been able to realize through meditation, that that's not at all my core state of being.  Each and every one of us has a core state of being that is one of smiling calm contentedness that -- and here's the most beautiful part -- can always be accessed! Furthermore, through meditation I've learned how to access it -- through a practice of mindfulness: being in a state of being.

Am I talking trippy dippy hippie lingo? Okay, I'll stop.  But stemming from these past 21 days, I've invested in an another 21-Day Meditation Experience with Oprah and Deepak called Finding Your Flow, and starting today, am going to be doing 21 more days of meditation with those crazy guys. Haa haa! 

In addition, I've started reading the book The Mindful Way through Depression.  It sounds dramatic, but it's actually been everything but. It's a straight-forward read that talks about how the mind gets stuck in negative patterns of thinking and how our instictive way to deal with 'getting stuck' doesn't work when dealing in matters of the mind. It's been very interesting and right on point, and I look forward to finishing it and giving a full report.

In conclusion, some final words:

"The spirtual path unfolds a strange journey because you don't travel any distance.  You begin where you started: with yourself.  But the self you knew at the start isn't the self you know at the end.  Your self at the end is fullfilled.  It has learned life requires no struggle, fear, or resistance.  You only need to be." -- Deepak Chopra, in yesterday's Day 21 meditation

this will put a smile on your face

No lie: this first weekend in Texas was rough. I miss a ton of things about home in New York, one of them being my few little squirrel buddies I used to feed Matzas, stale bread, or my mom's good walnuts (Shhh! Don't tell!) to once or twice a day.  This little video reminded me of them. ♥ It put a much needed smile on my face (and my mother's too when I sent it to her). I hope it puts a smile on yours as well. 

In other news: my cousin, Sammy, started his first day of college classes down in Miami, FL today. My other cousin, Claudia, has orientation for her new college in NYC today. I wished them well and shared with them this little jewel of knowledge I've come to terms with this past week:

GROWING UP IS HARD. IT'S NOT FOR WUSSES. 

Then I sent them the link to this squirrel video. 

we're in this together.

One dufflebag full of Carmen. One dufflebag full of Alejandro. ...and me, in the middle, trying to keep it together. Nine hours, two airports, and a new apartment later, all three of us managed to have a pretty good panic attack. I suppose I expected it from me, but seeing it from the two of them really threw me. Carmen wet herself. Alejandro hid shaking behind the washer/dryer. ...and their mama just about lost her mind. (Lucky Tomas.)

After we all slept a much needed sleep, we woke up feeling better.  The cats ate and litter-boxed; I made coffee and organized a bit.  Talking to mom and dad helped too, but I tell ya...I pray we get better adjusted.

Oh, my kitty boops, my travel buddies, my little life loves: we're in this together.  Let's stay strong, and try to remember we're going to be alright, no matter what. ♥ ♥ ♥ Happy Weekend, all!

august : currently

following suit with one of my favorite bloggers

loving all the karaoke that's been sung these past few days. above with e + n.

celebrating some good news on the job front. 

enjoying my daily meditations with Oprah & Deepak.

preparing for my big, scary move to Texas.

wondering how the cats are going to take the big, scary move to Texas.

writing 'thank you' notes.

checking the steaks on the BBQ.

packing a mug swap package for my swappee.

expecting a mug swap package from my swapper.

drinking coffee from my mom's new-to-her confiscated/restored Keurig machine.

planning a way to start Project Life-ing again.

listening to dad's over-protective advice.

watching episodes of Property Brothers and Fixer Upper with my sister.

thinking that is was Saturday every day this week. today is actually Saturday.

wishing there was a way to be in two places at one time.

feeling as ready as I'll ever be.

anxiety, therapy, zen habits, & meditation

Hello. I'm Amanda Rose Zampelli, and I have anxiety. Everybody does to some extent, but there are a lucky bunch of us that feel it often enough for it to be a thing. I have always been an anxious human being. I believe I had my first panic attack at 5 or 6 years old, and ever since, have developed this habitual fear of feeling fear. Couple this habitual negative thinking with a set of over-protective and paranoid parents (gotta love 'em), and a perfectionist approach to life (in an attempt to over-achieve and plan my way out of fear) and WAH-LAH! Me! -- at my most in need of help.

So I sought it. Earlier this year, for the first time in my anxiety-ridden 29+ years, I went to therapy -- like sat on a couch and chatted with a medical professional specializing in mental and emotional talk-therapy. See clip & clip for reference. ;) I recommend it to everyone and anyone, especially those who share my lovely Molotov cocktail of internal and environmental variables. These variables have shaped my perception of the world and my functioning on a daily basis. Therapy calls for a better understanding of these variables so that they do not maintain such a powerful hold on me. In short: therapy's helped.

What has also helped is having zen habits sent to my inbox every few days. It's a blog created and written by Leo Babuta that's about finding simplicity in the daily chaos of our lives. It’s about clearing the clutter so we can focus on what’s important, create something amazing, and find happiness. Sounds awesome, right? This post was my most recent favorite read from the blog.

Just the term 'zen habits' sounds inviting and like something I'd want more of in my life. Zen. Habits. Yes, please. To me: it's the fuel to fight my habitual negative thinking. Instead of an anxiety response, I've been deciding to do one or two small things everyday that allow for more peace, calm, and serenity. Some of those habits include waking up early, saying 'thank you' with my soul each morning, 30 to 60 minutes a day of intentional exercise, allowing the sunlight to touch my skin, talk and laughter with people I love, eating food that's good for me, prioritizing tasks, taking photographs, making something, going to sleep early, and most recently: meditating.

On the first day of this month, I read this post talking about Oprah & Deepak's Meditation Experience. In that post, Maegan talks about how she's tried to meditate in the past, but struggled with creating it habit-enough to reap the benefits so many who meditate daily talk about. I've been there, too. So I've resolved, like Maeg -- to join Oprah and Deepak on this 21-Day journey in which I tune in for FREE to their channel every day for the next 21 days and am guided through a 20-minute long meditation exercise. Last week I sat and breathed through this sample meditation in which the centering thought was "my security and peace are within" and in the middle of it all, bing! a light bulb went off. 

My security and peace are within.

I sat with those words repeating in my head, and felt them as they sank into my being. I've been aware of when I feel zen. I can recall those brief moments and feelings of calm and peace and serenity throughout my day, and newsflash: that is my natural state, my true self.  The anxiety is an illusion, a habitual illusion I've allowed myself to believe for far too long...my reaction response to almost everything that doesn't go according to plan or threatens my being, but YO! My security and peace are within.  I can tap into it whenever I need to. It is my natural state.

I still felt anxious this week, but this centering thought truly helped me. It's another weapon to fight my habitual negative thinking, another zen habit to work into my daily world. I repeated it to myself one night to sleep. I commented on a friend's facebook status with it. Yep, I'm becoming that person. That person that writes about it in a wordy Monday post. Haa! Sorry. 

...and now I have to go work Day 1 of the Meditation Experience into my world. I hope this post encourages you to do the same, or get help if you feel you need it, or made you feel a little less alone, or had you acknowledge that your security and peace are within. ♥

Keep an eye out for the follow-up post in three weeks. Namaste.

ramblings of a 29 year old

This post is the ramblings of my 29 year old self on the 29th of June, inspired by this original post.

I turned 29 back in November so over half my year of being 29 is 'in the bag'.  However, when rummaging through that metaphorical 'bag', it's so disorganized and cluttered and packed with STUFF that I can't seem to find what I want or pull out anything useful.  My first and foremost thought on making it thus far is nothing other than a loud and resounding what the f**k is going on?!?!

No really. The amount of questions that still race around in my brain double and triple in amount and severity each and every day. I've come to the conclusion (which may change tomorrow) that we - as humans - will never have anything all figured out.  With each new day, month, year, decade comes new challenges to face, and problems to solve, and fears to overcome...and all the while trying to not to let any of them 'hold you back'.  ...and what does that even mean?!?!

The best representation of how I feel in this present moment at 29 is Charlotte York in THIS SCENE from the second Sex&theCity movie. The profound-ity (<---not a word, but should be) of the I DON'T KNOWs in my life is palpable.  ...and I know the I DON'T KNOWS can and should be awesome because of all the possibility that lay before you, but how...HOW?!?!?...do you navigate between the 'grand adventure' feeling and the paralyzing stagnant fear?! My body defaults to fear, which I'm working on pushing through. It's like 'The Scientist' by Coldplay -- I try to study and examine and prod life so that I better understand how to handle it "questions of science/ science and progress...running in circles/chasing our tails"...it's all leading nowhere. "Nobody said it was easy/No one ever said it would be this hard" ...that is how I feel about it all: adulthood, love, navigating what to do next. I DON'T KNOW....I DON'T KNOW...I DON'T KNOW...

I could continue, but it's Sunday, and I should be resting, and that's the jist of it all.  I always thought happiness would be something that 'click'ed because I made the right life choices, or played the game 'smart', or was just a good person, but what I'm finding out is that's total bulls**t. Happiness is something you have to pursue and it's something you have to choose, every moment of everyday or you just won't have it. ♥ ...ramble ramble ramble...

the worst news ever

Okay, so maybe it's not the worst news ever, but this news cost me my job. So yeah, I'm feeling hella bummed and am not at all sure of what's next.

Four months ago today, I started this awesome new gig as a product designer for We R Memory Keepers, and unfortunately tomorrow is my last day.  

It has been one heck of a ride, these past four months -- from submitting some designs that were floating around in my head, to sparking enough interest to get me the job, to starting without a clue and just doing it, to flying to Utah for a week and learning the ropes, to returning back to NY and trying to understand what my version of 'working from home' looked and felt like.  Then learning what it took to make scrapbooking products, to finalizing the packaging and completing deadlines.  Starting right away on another line after the first one was finished, and experiencing my first ever real bought of creative block -- that lasted three weeks! Just when I thought I wasn't cut out for this job, I pushed through, and created some designs I'm extremely proud of, and slowly but surely my second line came together. Finalizing both of my lines was a thrill, and when the printed versions showed up on my doorstep to create with, my mom and I were over the moon as I pulled out each piece and saw them in the flesh - as real products - right there in front of my eyes!

Last week, when I was creating projects with my products to mail back to the office to use in the Summer catalog, I stopped and finally had a concrete thought: This job is awesome and I can do it. How lucky am I that this is my job? Bring on the next assignment!

I swear, only at that moment did the job's greatness come full circle in my head.  The three+ months prior, I was struggling.  Struggling with the huge adjustment of working from home.  Struggling with all the 'new' stuff I needed to learn.  Struggling with a huge out-of-nowhere bout of anxiety. Struggling with three-week long creative block.  Finally, I got to a place of true confidence and security in my role, and the call came the next day: American Crafts purchases We R, and they do not employ full time workers who aren't in-house. DAMN. 

Read more about it here and here.

I suppose if I were a regular crafter, this news would be exciting. Two great brands joining creative forces? No doubt a bunch of great, innovative products will follow... but I'm not a regular crafter. I'm also a designer. I want to help innovate new product to aid in this hobby/jobby/industry I adore, and with this news, that opportunity was stripped from me.

I'm SO bummed about it, but here I am. 

Starting over yet again.

Job search #2 of 2014 is on.

On the bright side: now I have four months of incredible learning experience under my belt and two completed paper lines to show for it.  We'll see what comes about. :)

june : currently

following suit with one of my favorite bloggers

loving the beach. the sun. this time of the year.

celebrating the fact that my designs are no longer just computer files. hooray!

enjoying the past couple of Friday nights out with friends.

obsessing with The Little Couple and sad tomorrow's this season's finale.

preparing all the meals for this three-day detox cleanse my mom and i are trying.

wondering how the rest of the summer's going to pan out.

writing daily in my morning positivity journal.

checking the 10-day weather forecast each and every morning.

wishing there was a way to be in two places at one time.

drinking green smoothies + lots of water for the next three days.

planning to share my experience with the cleanse on the blog soon.

listening Sarah R Bagley's podcasts on recovering from perfectionism.

watching episodes of World's Strangest on the Science Channel + of course, The Little Couple.

helping my mom open the pool.

feeling itchy. i'm all sunburnned.

his week back in NY + a bit on my perfectionism

Tomas's week back in New York, last Saturday to Saturday in May, was filled with love, family, food, friends, cake, sunshine, shenanigans, laughter, and good quality time.  It was filled with so much more than my past four months without him...and that seems to be the theme everytime we see each other since he moved to Texas. ...so what am I doing?  Yeah, that's been a resounding question lately.

I recently came across this notion: EVERTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. It struck me in such a way, and explains a lot of how I felt the week he was back in NY.  You see, I'm in the process of recovering from my perfectionism -  a damaging, all-encompassing personality trait that I didn't even realize I had until recently.  My perfectionism manifests itself in many ways, but most notably in always searching for what I can learn from things to make myself better. {deeeep sigh} Yeah. I'm in constant pursuit of the reason why things happen that I'm not enjoying them as they happen. With Tomas here last week, things were happening...and those things involved all you see above. Great things: Playing with your food! Wearing a dress and silly glasses and posing for picture with friends! Throwing frisbees! Getting dessert mid-afternoon! Drinking red wine on a Thursday! ...things life is supposed to be made of.  Not pondering all the time. Not making sure you do life 'right'.  Everything happens. Period. Not 'for a reason' - because then your life becomes about fulfilling some reason's prophecy, and that's plain exhausting.

I think that's all I want to say about that. ...and that I miss him.

I suppose we'll see where the rest of 2014 takes us. ♥ I suppose we all will. ♥ Have a good day! 

MY #redballoonsforRyan

read my first post on this story here. read the backstory here.

Yesterday (well, Wednesday - I meant to post this yesterday) I found some time in the day to buy three red balloons.  Three to symbolize Ryan, his mom Jacqui, and his dad Dan.  Three for the number of birthdays his parents got to have with him here on Earth. Three red balloons.

I attached the hashtag to each balloon with notepaper and packing tape so that wherever they fell, they'd spread word of remembrance. Then I went into my backyard, said a little prayer, and set them free...

I watched them three fly into the sky until I could no longer see them.  ♥ 

This story has had such a profound impact on me.  I've been thinking about my future A LOT lately (year 29 has hit me funny) and have been utterly afraid and frightened that I'll never get my nuclear family.  For a while there - and even a little still - I've lost the belief that I will or even if I deserve it (like Jen Arnold says here).  Then I see images of this beautiful family, and a tiny bit of hope is restored.  Something to wish and strive for is brought back - even if ever so slightly - I know that's a spark that can ignite a flame of hope. Then to read about how it all came to an abrupt end...it's crushing, that something like that could happen.  What if (<-- how every anxiety attack starts) I finally do get the family I've always dreamed of and the child I've wanted to be a mom to since I was 4 years old, only for it to be unfairly snatched away one day? Really, what if?!?!

How one makes peace with that, I don't know.  I'm praying for strength for Jacqui and her family.  I just don't understand how something like this can happen to a family so deserving of that little boy, and a little boy so deserving of them.  There are no words to aid in understanding.  Only sadness. Palpable sadness that changes you.