Amanda Rose Zampelli | the blog

This is the lifestyle / craft / everyday blog of Amanda Rose Zampelli - designer, crafter, smiler, and internet friend.

One year ago today, I left for Texas.

Off to TX copy

One year ago today, I left for Texas. Many of my family and friends did not understand this journey, or the need for it, or judged it to be wrong or excessive or 'unlike' me or good for me or whatever they thought. I've come to learn that people will judge the decisions you make for yourself no matter what the decision is, especially people who love & care for you. Anyway, one year ago today, I left, and I still remember everything I was feeling sitting in that airport with one kitty in a duffle bag on my right shoulder, and the other kitty in a duffle bag on my left. I felt utterly consumed by uncomfort & anxiety & sadness & fear, but like it was EXACTLY what I needed to do. 

This morning, I finished reading "The Alchemist" - a book which talks about journeys and omens and realizing your Personal Legend - and (I won't spoil the ending) what a fitting book to finish on the one-year anniversary of the day I set off on MY journey to settle my heart. I've learned that sometimes life calls for you to venture off in the completely wrong and excessively opposite direction in order to get to the right direction for yourself, which -- ironically -- is usually exactly where you started. However the journey NEEDS to be taken because the knowledge you acquire from the wrong & excessive journey is what was missing at your original starting point. heart emoticon

This is what my journey to Texas and back did for me. This is what my journey in & out of teaching did for me. Each one of these "failures" was really a jolt to a greater success for myself. Looking back at this past year, almost everything was an omen - from people I met to things I wanted to try - and only when I was still & genuinely going through something uncomfortable & unknown did I intuitively feel a resounding 'YES!' about a decision I should make. 

I always say 'life is hard', but I've learned life is funny, too. ...when you don't try to distract yourself away from the hard stuff (and in this day and age there are SOOOOOOO many distractions), when you allow yourself to go through life's struggles & uncertainty, and you try to take lessons from them and acquire new knowledge about yourself and aim to get better and be better, LIFE WILL MAKE YOU BETTER. Life will give you the great things truly meant for you. 

I am a living testament to that. I don't think it was luck. I think one year ago today, sitting in that airport with both my kitties - feeling sacred & alone - that today's blessings were already destined. I had to be patient, I had to scout out the omens, and I had to go through it to get through it. I am so incredibly grateful for and happy about where I currently am, who I'm currently with, and what I'm currently doing with my days... but I'm here to say the struggle came first. Many struggles came first, and I'm sure more struggles will come, but today I am so grateful. I want to hold the hand of that version of myself from year ago and whisper in her ear "You got this. Just wait. Things are going to get really good."

Saturday, August 22, 2015 at 12:32 PM in NY to TX, personal | Permalink | Comments (0)

my art journal // life story in six words

Around this same time last year, I posted a brush script image I created that said "dream job is 2000 miles away." This was when I applied to American Crafts as a designer and they wanted me to move to Utah to do the job. At the time, that was my life story in six words - the most immediate thing going on in my life.

Yesterday morning, with lots going on in my brain, I sat down with a cup of coffee, a few old magazines, a large stinky sharpie marker, my art journal, Modge Podge, and a pair of scissors and had a messy markering, cutting, pasting, paper scrapping therapy session about my current life story in six words:

01

Broken without him. Can't stop crying.

02

I got the idea for a six-word memoir in an old Oprah magazine. There was an article that called for people to describe their life using only six words. You can read their submissions HERE. All of them are go great.

08

Two close runners-up for my [current] six-word memoir can be read below:

11 MAKE HARD DECISIONS...

13 WTFiGO

I suppose you might be wondering what the story is behind these 'oh-so-uplifting' six-word memoirs or all my talk about crying and sobbing in yesterday's currently list. I'm not quite ready to share it on this space yet, but I'm sure it isn't too hard to figure out. Long story short: I'm going through a rough patch. (<--another 6 word memoir. Ha!)  Getting a bit of that energy in my art journal did help a bit. Art journals are good like that.

see more photos of this art journal page HERE // see all past art journal pages of mine HERE

Saturday, February 14, 2015 at 10:15 AM in art journal, personal | Permalink | Comments (6)

5 years blogging & thoughts

01 5 years blogging & thoughts
me, blogging in my craftroom

Every year, on or around December 16th, I get incredibly sentimental. It's my bloggiversary, and today, I have been writing and keeping some version of this lifestyle & crafting blog for five years.

My first blog was called my 2010 is HERE and my goal with it was to see if I could and would blog almost everyday in the year 2010. I had a feeling I would love blogging, but I never blogged before, so I had to test the waters. I had no clear focus when writing 5 to 6 days a week except to blog what I was into, what I felt, and what I was doing. Nobody read it, and that was good. It was for me to practice how to post. It was for me to learn where to look for inspiration, what worked and didn't work in photos...it was for me to learn I LOVED TO BLOG. By the time 2011 came, I had blogged for a full year with gusto, and I was thirsty for more!

Fast forward to now, 5 years later from that first ever blog post I wrote, and I blog for a living on the me & my BIG ideas blog. :) I create content, I manage content, I write and share and communicate for it. It's been a creative and fun adventure, which is all I ever wanted out of my paid work.

It took me 5 years of (1)learning what blogging meant for me, (2)how to do it relatively well (still learning), (3)processing my job as a teacher through it, (4)using it as an outlet for those really bad days, (5)immersing myself in the community of other crafty/lifestlye bloggers and gaining motivation from them, to finally believe that it's something I do well and something I want to do often enough to make my career. So far, so good. ;)

What I'm most grateful for is all the joy and good in my life that I've managed to incorporate because of this blogging platform.  The world around me got prettier, craftier, and more full once I started to blog, in order to create engaging content. You have to partake in activites that excite you, so you can excite others, and that's what blogging's helped me to do.

02 5 years blogging & thoughts

So I supposed this is my love letter to this blog space, and my 'Thank You' note to the Universe that I still find it as thrilling to blog as I did that first year (cue Shania Twain: You're still the one...). Maybe even more so, as I've talked about enhancing my blog skills here, and handling some blog business here. Growth is on the way...look for a new blog design in weeks to come as well, as that's been much needed and is currently in the works. ♥

Lastly, to you, readers -- THANK YOU. Thank you for your kind comments, your cheerleading, and your online friendship. Thank you for so often making me feel like what I have to say is worth saying, and what I have to craft is worth crafting. I hope we spend many more years together at this fun little internet party I call my blog. ;) Thank you thank you thank you.

2 years blogging & thoughts | 3 years blogging & thoughts | 4 years blogging & thoughts

Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 09:00 AM in personal | Permalink | Comments (1)

happy holidays, TX

00 happ hol tx01 happ hol tx01.5 happ hol tx02 happ hol tx27 happ hol tx03 happ hol tx04.5 happ hol tx05 happ hol tx06 happ hol tx07 happ hol tx13 happ hol tx18 happ hol tx31 happ hol tx20 happ hol tx21 happ hol tx22 happ hol tx25.6 happ hol tx26 happ hol tx25 happ hol tx25.5 happ hol tx15 happ hol tx11 happ hol tx17 happ hol tx23 happ hol tx24 happ hol tx08 happ hol tx08.5 happ hol tx12 happ hol tx50 happ hol tx09 happ hol tx29 happ hol tx51 happ hol tx

These photos (plus a hundred more than aren't in this blog post) make up my love letter to this little Texas town that has been my home for the past 15 weeks. I am going home to New York for the whole month of December, and I wanted to take this opportunity to wish 'Happy Holidays' to every kind soul I've met here, every sky that's taken my breath away, the dirt on the softball field, our zen balcony, the moments of sweet open silent alone space to craft/work/be, the complete obtrusive all-encompassing shared space that occurs when two people live in a tiny apartment together for the first time learning how to do it, and the food. Oh, the food! 

All of it, these past 15 weeks - the ups, the downs, the in betweens - happy holidays. Thank you and I'll love you forever. I'll be back soon...

Friday, December 05, 2014 at 07:21 AM in ADVENTURES, NY to TX, personal | Permalink | Comments (0)

thankful...

01 happy thanksgiving

So much thanks for things this year, like real things: my dad surviving his July visit to the emergency room, my sister surviving her scary August ER visit, my two new jobs this year, the new job I still have that allows me to be creative on a daily basis, meeting new people, making new friends, cuddling a new kitten, overcoming that major bought of anxiety that hit me earlier this year, my new meditation practice, the courage to move away from home and try something scary and unfamiliar in the name of growth and clarity, Texan weather, making it to 30, coming up with new fun ideas to try, my two happy healthy cuddly kitty boops...there is so much. 

I love this reflection in the early hours of Thanksgiving Day, then getting to drown myself in carbohydrates later on! This Thanksgiving, however, it is the first ever that I won't be with family. I'm in Texas with Tomas, and instead of slaving to the stove, we are off to WinStar World Casino and Resort. We'll be getting our Thanksgiving dinner from a buffet in Oklahoma & saying 'grace' with the slot machines! It'll be a new experience for both of us, and it should be fun!

Wishing everyone a truly delicious meal, followed by a long and lovely food coma. ♥ Happy Thanksgiving! 2013's post & watercolored Thanksgiving meal & my Thanksgiving Pinterest board

Thursday, November 27, 2014 at 11:49 AM in HOLIDAYS | Thanksgiving, personal | Permalink | Comments (0)

little joys

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  • waiting in line for a roller-coaster ride at dusk
  • having conversations about what weapon you'd use if a zombie apocalypse really happened
  • waking up on a Monday feeling rejuvenated and ready for the week
  • waking up to find one of your cats left a dingle-berry in the cardboard box next to the bed
  • working from home ♥
  • anticipating an upcoming trip home
  • home, itself
  • powder pink christmas trees
  • gold foil stickers
  • planning my holiday cards and making a list of who'll receive them
  • Christmas in New York
  • straight hair
  • wearing a new sweater
  • pecan pie
  • new navy nail-polish color, and decently done DIY manicures
  • anticipating the arrival of my niece next month
  • this song from Christina Perri's christmas album
  • cozy pajamas
  • a perfectly toasted English Muffin (w/ peanut butter + banana lately)
  • noise-cancelling headphones
  • spontaneous inspiration

Sometimes what I plan to post about doesn't pan out on time, and I'm left with a blank spot in my editorial calendar and my mind.  When that happens, I peruse my favorite blogs for a few minutes and BAM! Something...something...always spontaniously inspires me - enough to get me amped to publish.

This morning it was this post on Goodnight Little Spoon. After a weekend of equal parts jam-packed fun and rejuventating rest, lots of little joys popped in my head to jot down.  Also, with it being Thanksgiving week and all, a few jots of little joys to be grateful for wasn't so far fetched a topic.

What little joys are on your list?

Monday, November 24, 2014 at 11:59 AM in ADVENTURES, my blog/her blog, personal, seasons | FALL | Permalink | Comments (0)

stop & smell the 30th Birthday roses

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Hi, guys. I haven't written in a week, and what a week it's been.

My trip home to New York ended, and I got sick mid-plane ride back to Texas. I was SO SICK Wednesday and Thursday with the works: fever, chills, sweats, hallucinations, no appetite, body aches, dizziness, headache, and the pooping! (I won't even go there.)

LOTS of time spent laying horizontally, thinking about my time back home, about what my life is like here, trying to figure out where I should be...I felt so many feelings this past week - including feeling like I'm a bad cat-mama - a lot in part to the pseudo 'sickness world' my brain was funtioning in.

Not to mention, Daylight Savings with all its stupid darkness and it was my birthday weekend. Both of those throw a whole'nother emotional wrench into things for me. Luckily, I felt 90% healthy by my birthday and was able to enjoy a morning of church, a lunch of my favorite BBQ ribs, and the cats in Oh Joy! party hats.

So this week is catch up.  All the posts I had planned have been pushed, and I have to find a place for them. The job calls. Upcoming projects need my attention. Isn't weird how a week can swoop in and knock you off your feet? In the midst of the catch-up tornado, I'm going to stop and smell the 30th Birthday roses, because I turned 30 and it's okay and I'm okay...and luckily the pooping fixed itself. (Because you don't even want to know.)

Have a happy. ♥

Tuesday, November 11, 2014 at 10:22 AM in personal | Permalink | Comments (2)

2 mini orchids for 2 months in TX

01 mini orchids

Yesterday marked two months that I've been away from home, on this test of independence, and living in Texas with Tomas.  (You can read more about its beginnings here, see how it's looked so far here and here, and read a bit about how it's felt here and here.) So yesterday evening, when I went to the market, I picked up two mini orchids to commemorate two months of being okay not being home.

02 mini orchids

Notice I didn't say "...to commemorate making the best decision of my life!"  I think those kinds of things happen to other people...the ones that make moves thousands of miles away from all they've ever known and everything 'clicks' and they grow into who they're supposed to be and they make a solid foundation to what becomes the strongest, most wonderful, significant relationship of their life. Other people.

03 mini orchids

Even still, I'm proud I've 'made it' this far.  I have been growing and learning. Here are three things I've learned in the two months I've been away (for the first time) from home:

1. No big change is ever going to look and feel how you thought it would.

You'd think I would have learned this when I got to high school, and it didn't look and feel exactly like Saved by the Bell. ...still pissed about that.

2. Two months in is incredibly different than two days in.

Do not jump ship after two days in. I was a mad woman two days in to this new experience, and I'm so proud of how I've made it past that manic state, and can see - in retrospect - how truly capable I was at coping and adjusting. 

3. Be present as much as you can.

I get in trouble when I think about what's happening back home and who I should call to make sure they're alright or how I wish I could be with my sister and cousin on their NYC adventure or whatever. When I think about where I am NOT, I start to feel discontent. I've been practicing everyday for the past two months NOT to do that to myself.  It's a constant mental exercise, and I'm learning to be present, to live in this moment and this day.  
(It's really hard, though.)

Thursday, October 23, 2014 at 11:44 AM in NY to TX, personal, plant life | Permalink | Comments (2)

Life After Teaching

Life after teaching copy

If you've been a long time visitor to this space, then you know that in a past life (two years ago) I was a Special-Ed Classroom Teacher. My story on the whole thing can be read by visiting this page, but I warn you: it's a looooong story. 

Then I recently received an email from a reader who, a few days after school started this year, QUIT. She wrote:

"I quit my 4th grade teaching job this week, the day after my 26th birthday. This was my fourth year teaching and my second school. I started out the year thinking "I've just got to make it to June," which quickly turned in to "I just got to make it to Winter Break," then "I can't take another day of this!"
 
I know leaving was the best decision I made; this year just felt all wrong. Fortunately, I've got an incredible support group. I guess the hardest part for me is just not knowing what I want to be now. I've wanted to be a teacher ever since I was little, but it's clearly not for me.
 
I'll be reading back through your archives, but do you have any suggestions about Life After Teaching? Just having you as proof that a person can start over and pursue something that makes them happy is heartening."
I receive emails like this every now and then, from people who find my blog after they type in "I want to quit my teaching job" or something like that into a search engine. I suspect I will receive traffic like that for years and years to come. My only reaction to all of it is I want to help. I want to reach through the screen, give them a hug, and let them know I completely get it. Posts like this one is my way to do that, I guess.
 
So my response to that reader's email, and my response to anyone for that matter, who might be struggling with the same question is to reference a quote from Leo Babuta:
"Even young people who have a plan (be a doctor, lawyer, research scientist, singer) don't really know what will happen. If they have any certainty at all, they're a bit deluded. Life doesn't go according to plan, and while a few people might do exactly what they set out to do, you never know if you're one of those. Other things come along to change you, to change your opportunities, to change the world. The jobs of working at Google, Amazon or Twitter, for example, didn't exist when I was a teenager. Neither did this job (Blogging). So if you can't figure out the future, what do you do? Don't focus on the future. Focus on what you can do right now that will be good no matter what the future brings. Make stuff. Build stuff. Learn skills. Go on adventures. Make friends. These things will help in any future."
I love that last part: "Focus on what you can do right now that will be good no matter what the future brings." That was kind of what my graphic design school was for me a year ago.
 
For you, if teaching has been what you wanted to do since you were little, maybe there are other ways to incorporate it into your life that aren't in a classroom. Actually, I know there are, and you should look into them.
 
Otherwise, let time and life do their thing. Nowadays there's too much pressure to know what you're going to be yesterday...so you can achieve success success success...and climb that ladder... ...whatever...FUCK IT. There is NOT enough emphasis on relaxing, taking care of our emotional selves, and discovering slowly what we want to do.  More of that, please. 
 
To start, here are 5 steps I suggest you take if you want to leave teaching, but don't know what to do next.
 
--- ♥ ---
 
From my experience, speaking to you right now 15 months after resigning from my teaching profession, it was the right decision for me. I still miss the kids and my co-worker friends like crazy, but that's me missing the who that was involved in teaching. I don't for a second miss the what of teaching: what I was actually doing day-to-day, minute-to-minute in the job. In drained me, and that was ultimately my deciding factor to leave.

You can email me anytime to chat on this matter at amandaroseblog@yahoo.com or we can talk about it in the comments below. Thanks!

Monday, September 29, 2014 at 03:49 PM in personal | Permalink | Comments (4)

summer 2014 / I want to remember...

Summer is my favorite, the season of my soul, so everything feels a little more special. I did a post of this kind last year and the year before and it's one of those posts that I refer back to all year long until the next summer arrives and my soul feels at home again.

So mayyybe yesterday was the first day of Fall and it's almost October and this post is a little late, but there was still so much beauty from Summer 2014 I want to remember...

...starting with Mother's Day weekend in May:

Collage 01

I want to remember releasing red ballooons in my backyard for little Ryan Saldana.

I want to remember reading about his tragic passing a couple of days earlier and crying crying crying.

I want to remember little Ryan forever.

I want to remember going to NYC for Natalie's 30th and feeling for the first time in months - like myself. 

I want to remember my dad dropping me off in the meat-packing district, and eating pizza alone at the bar.

I want to remember seeing my friends, and dancing the night away, and taking breaks on that awkward little couch.

I want to remember the next day being Mother's Day. 

I want to remember those perfect planters I found for mom at the 99-cent store, and how she had flowers placed inside in no time at all.

I want to remember the trip to Home Depot looking for impateints, and the $4 sundresses I went home with.

I want to remember foggy spring jogs around my neighborhood listening to Sarah's podcast on overcoming perfectionnism.

I want to remember that real estate seminar dad made me go to with him, and how upon entering he said, "Remember: don't give your e-mail, don't give your phone number, and your name is Damone."

I want to remember Tomas's arrival back in NY for Memorial Day weekend.

I want to remember how fun that Memorial Day weekend BBQ was in Danielle's backyard.

I want to remember how she told me she was pregnant when I went to pour her some spiked pink lemonade.

Collage 02

I want to remember cousin Ryan being in town, and his and Claudia's stop by the house.

I want to remember how any amount of time around my closest guy cousin growing up is spent laughing and in hysterics.

I want to remember working on my laptop out in the sunshine on one of the chair pillows.

I want to remember how chocolate-covered Macintosh apples become my 'thing' for about two weeks.

I want to remember Ness and my June 1st trip to the Brooklyn Flea Market, and that Blue Marble salted-caramel ice cream, and that wall outside of the Brooklyn Brewery.

I want to remember all our summer walk/jog/runs.

I want to remember scaling that incline.

I want to remember happy hour with Nat at your Mother's House where Carlo, Steve, and Melissa joined us later on.

I want to remember Steve's 'pity selfie'. Haa haa!

I want to remember that most delish breakfast: whole-wheat everything bagels & strawb-banana smoothies forever!

Collage 03

I want to remember that time I biked 15 miles in a dress. 

I want to remember the Forest Hills Street Fair with Mrs. Cardenas and her stopping to talk to the priest, bishop, cardinal? ...one of those religious guys.

I want to remember all those snails in my backyard this summer. Not so many mosquitos, or cicadas, but a ton of snails. Summer of the snails.

I want to remember my mom floating in the pool and her makeshift pool lounge.

I want to remember We R's June 11th product meeting and how I was Skyped right into the meeting -- like I was right there in Salt Lake City. Technology is amazing.

I want to remember going to Novita and being fancy at dinner with Elisa ordering white truffle pizza.

I want to remember that trip to the beach with Danielle and eating rainbow-cookie cake and sour patch kids.

I want to remember looking at the group of 18 year olds behind us with their Bud Lite Limes and hating.

I want to remember receiving printed out versions of my paper designs and opening the box with my mom, and us ooo-ing and ahhh-ing over each and every piece as I pulled them out.

Collage 04

I want to remember trying that 3-Day Detox diet and how bad it went in a matter of hours.

I want to remember the first batch of crafts I made with my paper supplies and how for that Monday and Tuesday down in my craftroom, I finally came to terms with designing for living. I like this, I thought. I can do this.

I want to remember the very next day I got the news that American Crafts had bought We R Memory Keepers and how I knew what that inevitably meant.

I want to remember getting that picture of Claudia on her prom night.

I want to remember all the love, heart, and soul I put into making that little gold 30th Birthday mini book for my friend Danielle.

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I want to remember watching my bunch graduate 5th grade.

I want to remember sitting next to Wanda and Ms. Alesi announcing at the end of the ceremony that I was there, and seeing Richard, Gabriel, and Dayly look for me in the stands.

I want to remember being outside in the school yard with them in sun.

I want to remember this above moment with my John, us pals, chatting about sock monkey and his moving to Florida.

I want to remember all the appreciation I received from their parents.

I want to remember my life as teacher forever.

Collage 05

I want to remember Ness and I driving to Vincent's for Danielle's 30th Birthday dinner and waiting and waiting and waiting for them to arrive.

I want to remember texting Tomas and missing him that night.

I want to remember the look on her face as she opened the mini book and looked through it and passed it around.

I want to remember that the very next day, we found out my Grandpa has passed away.

I want to remember driving around with dad that day - being his company - while he my uncle made arrangements and handled funeral decisions.

I want to remember going through pictures with Aunt Rose and being in charge of the photo-posters.

I want to remember waking up the day of the wake and writing down these words to say that I ended up never saying outloud.

I want to remember how surrounded by my father's side of the family I was those two days of my Grandfather's funeral, and how good it felt to see them.

Collage 06

I want to remember St. Greg's this summer and how different it felt as a 29 year old compared to an 18 year old.

I want to remember playing BlackJack with Rita and Danielle and how that was our 'thing' for a week.

I want to remember the kitty boops fascination with the pool this year and how their new trick was climbing the pool ladder.

I want to remember Carmen's hilarious pinky toe in that photo.

I want to remember Aunt Laura's retirement dinner, and how I made ridiculous retirement crowns for everywhere to wear at the table.

Collage 07

I want to remember the every.single.Saturday. errand-running and food-shopping routine my dad and I continued throughout the summer. 

I want to remember looking down at my saltwaters that day thinking something's gotta give.

I want to remember the weekend of Graduation parties: Claudia's, then Sammy's.

I want to remember that last day/Monday in June when us girls had a beach day.

I want to remember watching Max and Berlin have a ball.

Collage 08

I want to remember my summer boobies.

I want to remember dropping Alejandro off at the vet, my sister off at the doctor, and then having lunch with her at PRESS.

I want to remember when he sent me the floorpan, and I plotted out decorating dreams.

I want to remember my silly 4th of July company, and the amazing view from the balcony, and how close the fireworks were.

I want to remember me and Carmen up so early, partying barefoot in the backyard.

Collage 09

I want to remember my cousin Andrea's wedding that night.

I want to remember feeling so content to be 'us three' with my sister and cousin, Rachel. 

I want to remember looking at my Aunt Anna and my Aunt Josie and seeing my Nana in them so much.

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I want to remember my favorite moment of the evening: looking up at the ceiling mirrors and capturing this photo. 

Collage 10

I want to remember my first wedding photobooth expeirence.

I want to remember cutting a rug with cousin Melinda.

Collage 11

I want to remember that totally awesome, need-to-have-it pineapple doorbell on Nat and Carlo's house.

I want to remember how pineapples were having a moment.

I want to remember this A+N+E day at the beach.

I want to remember how much the girls liked the spiked pink lemonade I brought.

I want to remember how drunk Elisa got from it!

I want to remember my Aunt Laura's 63rd birthday this year.

I want to remember meeting my cousin's friend, Daniel, and how much fun we all had karaoking the night away!

I want to remember going with dad to Sutphin Blvd in Jamaica, thinking it was going to be a fast run, and ending up sitting on the courtroom steps with a McDonald's cone for over an hour.

I want to remember getting the text from Danielle that she and Manny are having a girl! (!!!)

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I want to remember how The Little Couple was my little lifeboat after the shipwreck.

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I want to remember travelling with mom all the way out on Long Island for Franny's Baby Shower.

I want to remember pluggin the address in to three different GPSs and still driving past the place several times.

I want to remember what we saw when we walked in.

I want to rememeber how - arriving at 12:45 - we thought we were late, but turns out we were 15 minutes early.

I want to remember the laugh mom and I had because she thought the shower started at 12, but in fact it started at 1 on July 12th. Oh mom.

I want to remember the cats' new dufflebag carriers.

I want to remember that dad was rushed to the emergency room again.

I want to remember the struggle: I want to be skinny, but I also want to eat cookies, and how this summer the latter part usually won out.

I want to remember that Tuesday Ness and I spontaneously decided to walk to the library and rent dozens of home decor magazine to devour that night.

I want to remember the Yard Sale I hosted, and how my friend Elisa was a crazy salesperson.

I want to remember finding a new anklet amongst the jewelry mom put out to sell.

Collage 13

I want to remember the mask-wearing, sweaty messes sis and I were cleaning dad's house of infection.

I want to remember my favorite treat for life: mint-chocolate chip with a rocky road toupee.

I want to remember those 6 weird headless outfit shots I took.

I want to remember that weird afternoon I discovered a squirrel trapped under our pool ladder. ?? ...and how I concocted that plank for it to save itself with.

I want to remember sleepy Carmen on our couch.

I want to remember Claude & my heads through that weird cartoon farm scene, and thinking that she is literally the only person I know who'd be as enthused as me to do something like that.

I want to remember this year's pool party with Jamina and the kids.

I want to remember what I said to Berlin that immediately calmed her down when she was scared and panicky in the pool: "Don't you know that I love you and I would never let you fall under the water?"

Collage 14

I want to remember the silly 4-year-old moments my two kitty babies had this summer in the house.

I want to remember Alejandro's new trick of standing on the bathtub and looking out the window.

I want to remember the two of them intensely watching Meerkat Manor on television.

I want to remember Carmen peeking out from behind those red flowers.

I want to remember Alejandro supervising the framing of my artwork.

I want to remember kisses and cuddles and belly rubs in the grass.

I want to remember them (as my mother says) like bookends looking out the front window.

I want to remember the neon pop art I made of them.

Collage 15

I want to remember the beach photoshoot baby announcement I conducted for Danielle and Manny, and those little pink flip flops.

I want to remember our second E + N + A beach day in which all three of us were on our Tommy Bahama beach chairs.

I want to remember us leaving the beach to get Starbucks at 4:30pm, and later sending each other these cracked out, caffeine-high photos of ourselves. (I still laugh about that one.)

I want to remember meeting up with the girls at St. Rocco's Feast in Glen Cove.

I want to remember how at peace I felt being there with my girls and the Balzano clan.

I want to remember riding that freefall ride with Guili.

I want to remember dancing to the old school Italian music in front of an audience of old school Italians.

I want to remember being in the company of little Julia...

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...and this little shot of her with her Dora purse holding nonna and zia's hands.

Collage 16

I want to remember my third year participating in the mugswap.

I want to remember the new piece of evidence we received that Alejandro is, in fact, THE BATMAN.

I want to remember being happy to get outside and water those plants for mom after spending 5+ hours on the phone with various maddening departments of the New York City system.

I want to remember Sister's Day and revealing to Ness the greatness that is The Container Store.

I want to remember us simultaneously agreeing to both buy that 'jewlery dress'.

I want to remember finding those yellow floral pillows and black and white rug on our visit to Home Goods that night.

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I want to remember that sitting outside with a home decor magazine was my jam this summer. Like, my jammy jam.

Collage 17

I want to remember mom with her new BBQ.

I want to remember how burnt roasted marshmallows over the BBQ will forever taste like summer.

I want to remember how much of that first week of August Ness rested, and how I was happy to be there to take care of her.

I want to remember that morning I made pizza dough on my own.

I wan to remember all the construction that look place next door.

I want to remmeber that time Ness got up enough energy to straighten my hair for my very important Skype inteview and how we both chatted on the couch after it.

I want to remember that time I woke up dead in the middle of the night fnd out I was not the only one wide awake.

I want to remember that time Ness caught me at Stop&Shop 'carrying a watermelon' like Baby in DD.

I want to remember moving that Nike box into the sunbeam, and finding out a few minutes later that someone else thought it was a great idea.

Collage 18

I want to remember the cats begging my dad for shrimp as he peeled them, especially my shrimp-boy, Alejandro.

I want to remember how the house looked at night once the stringed lights were actually turned on.

I want to remember that happy day home-decor shopping at the West Elm outlets, and how Ness found her dining room table that day.

I want to remember all my beloved summer lunches and dinners with Aunt Laura. 

Collage 19

I want to remember Ness and my 2-hour trek from our house to her new apartment.

I want to remember the pinky-swear promise we made on that walk to always be best bitts.

I want to remember how sad I felt upon hearing the tragic news that Robin Williams had passed, and even worse: killed himself after a lifelong battle with depression.

I want to remember how weird I thought it was that the morning it happened, I had watched him over and over in this clip from Good Will Huting preparring to use it in this blog post.

I want to remember the card I made for Elisa + Nat, and how perfect the sentiment was.

I want to remember my mall-day out with Claude the day after her 18th (!!!) birthday. 

I want to remember telling her I'd buy her a new school outfit, and her getting excited when I bought her several. 

I want to remember how she sneakily asked me what my favorite scent was in Bath&Body Works, made it look like she took my suggestion and bought herself soap, when in fact she paid for it and surpised me by handing the bag of my favorite-scented soap to me as a goodbye gift. She's the sweetest sweetest...and so clever!

I want to remember trying on those pointy-toed leopard flats, unsure whether to buy them or not.

I want to remember Claudia convincing me by saying, "Get 'em. Those are sooo social media coordinator shoes."

I want to remember packing and shipping my mug swap goodies.

Collage 20

I want to remember that humid Tuesday going to work with my dad.

I want to remember him pulling his weight and making his runs even with that stupid boot on his foot.

I want to remember him gabbing and gabbing with this guy and that guy and this one and that, and me realizing he is so Nana's son.

I want to remember our karaoke-singing dinner and how it was a going away party for me disguised as a casual hang out night. 

I want to remember cousin Lauren with that slice of bread in her mouth, telling me that was 'the trick' to not cry while cutting onions.

I want to remember that last weekend in New York when Aunt Dawn visited, we saw the inside of Nessa'a new aprtment for the first time, and my sister and I got into the biggest fight of our lives (over nothing really).

Collage 21

I want to remember how that trip to IKEA the next day was perfect remedy for all the tension. "Let's get out of the house, go to IKEA, and do something normal," my mom said. 

I want to remember sitting in the back seat squished by Vanessa's giant IKEA haul.

I want to remember giving my mom a good laugh at Carmen's expense by taping obese cats to the treat cabinet my chubby Carmen begs for food in front of.

I want to remember all that packing I did.

I want to remember kissing my mom and dad at airport and not crying. I was so happy I didn't cry.

I remember feeling a little sad, but ready and capable, sitting there with my two worried travel buddies in duffle bag carriers on either side of me:

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Last year's summer was extended for me. It went way into the third week of September since I didn't return to teaching, and graphic design school started September 23rd.

This year's summer was cut short. It ended for me right here in this picture. (Funny how summer 2013 ended at the airport, and so did this year's.) I felt the seasons click right then and there and yep, change had inevitably come. Since that day in August, sitting there at the start of my Texas journey - my independence adventure - it has felt like the end of an era to me.

My sister's moved out, I'm living in Texas, I took the two kitty boops with me, and my mom is all alone in that big house in Queens. Everything feels different than the images you scrolled through above. We are all changing, like the leaves in autumn time, and summer has long since gone.

...I wonder what the fall and winter have in store for us.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014 at 12:00 PM in personal, seasons | SUMMER | Permalink | Comments (2)

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