Hello. I'm Amanda Rose Zampelli, and I have anxiety. Everybody does to some extent, but there are a lucky bunch of us that feel it often enough for it to be a thing. I have always been an anxious human being. I believe I had my first panic attack at 5 or 6 years old, and ever since, have developed this habitual fear of feeling fear. Couple this habitual negative thinking with a set of over-protective and paranoid parents (gotta love 'em), and a perfectionist approach to life (in an attempt to over-achieve and plan my way out of fear) and WAH-LAH! Me! -- at my most in need of help.
So I sought it. Earlier this year, for the first time in my anxiety-ridden 29+ years, I went to therapy -- like sat on a couch and chatted with a medical professional specializing in mental and emotional talk-therapy. See clip & clip for reference. ;) I recommend it to everyone and anyone, especially those who share my lovely Molotov cocktail of internal and environmental variables. These variables have shaped my perception of the world and my functioning on a daily basis. Therapy calls for a better understanding of these variables so that they do not maintain such a powerful hold on me. In short: therapy's helped.
What has also helped is having zen habits sent to my inbox every few days. It's a blog created and written by Leo Babuta that's about finding simplicity in the daily chaos of our lives. It’s about clearing the clutter so we can focus on what’s important, create something amazing, and find happiness. Sounds awesome, right? This post was my most recent favorite read from the blog.
Just the term 'zen habits' sounds inviting and like something I'd want more of in my life. Zen. Habits. Yes, please. To me: it's the fuel to fight my habitual negative thinking. Instead of an anxiety response, I've been deciding to do one or two small things everyday that allow for more peace, calm, and serenity. Some of those habits include waking up early, saying 'thank you' with my soul each morning, 30 to 60 minutes a day of intentional exercise, allowing the sunlight to touch my skin, talk and laughter with people I love, eating food that's good for me, prioritizing tasks, taking photographs, making something, going to sleep early, and most recently: meditating.
On the first day of this month, I read this post talking about Oprah & Deepak's Meditation Experience. In that post, Maegan talks about how she's tried to meditate in the past, but struggled with creating it habit-enough to reap the benefits so many who meditate daily talk about. I've been there, too. So I've resolved, like Maeg -- to join Oprah and Deepak on this 21-Day journey in which I tune in for FREE to their channel every day for the next 21 days and am guided through a 20-minute long meditation exercise. Last week I sat and breathed through this sample meditation in which the centering thought was "my security and peace are within" and in the middle of it all, bing! a light bulb went off.
My security and peace are within.
I sat with those words repeating in my head, and felt them as they sank into my being. I've been aware of when I feel zen. I can recall those brief moments and feelings of calm and peace and serenity throughout my day, and newsflash: that is my natural state, my true self. The anxiety is an illusion, a habitual illusion I've allowed myself to believe for far too long...my reaction response to almost everything that doesn't go according to plan or threatens my being, but YO! My security and peace are within. I can tap into it whenever I need to. It is my natural state.
I still felt anxious this week, but this centering thought truly helped me. It's another weapon to fight my habitual negative thinking, another zen habit to work into my daily world. I repeated it to myself one night to sleep. I commented on a friend's facebook status with it. Yep, I'm becoming that person. That person that writes about it in a wordy Monday post. Haa! Sorry.
...and now I have to go work Day 1 of the Meditation Experience into my world. I hope this post encourages you to do the same, or get help if you feel you need it, or made you feel a little less alone, or had you acknowledge that your security and peace are within. ♥
Keep an eye out for the follow-up post in three weeks. Namaste.
