Grampio.

My grandfather passed away Friday night, and today - Tuesday morning - is the first time I've been able to think about anything else since. I scrambled around with my dad Saturday (not wanting to leave him alone) visiting family, helping him pick out a suit and find a matching pair of shoes, and collecting photos (because of course the scrapbooker in the family would be in charge of that).

Saturday night into Sunday morning I scanned in all the photos, and on Sunday morning, a few hours before the wake, a sudden urge came over me to write.

Here's what I wrote down:

"Last night as I was doing the pictures, two things about my grandpa really stood out to me. First, that he had a great head of hair and second, that he truly had a great smile. The hair didn’t surprise me, as it was evident throughout his life, and even my dad commented how jealous he was of grandpa’s hair and up until his last days, my dad was still cutting it.

Grandpa’s amazing smile, however, did surprise me…I’m sure we all remember him as incredibly stubborn, or as ‘grumpy grampy’ or completing back-breaking work in the shop or on a job, or as heavy-weight boxer knocking guys out. But, what I found out last night was that grandpa had a wonderfully wide, genuine smile…in the photo of Gramp with his arms crossed in front of the leaning tower of Pisa, he wrote on the back, “I was having a swell time, but to look at this picture, you wouldn’t think it.” Maybe that was Grandpa’s secret: even the times Grandpa looked grumpy, he was still having a swell time.

It was also blatantly clear from the photos how much my dad and uncles loved and admired my grandpa. I thought about how much they will miss him, and how each one of them could tell countless stories featuring something grandpa taught them. Continue to share those stories, and grandpa will live on in this life through you.

Between my sister, my cousins, and myself, there is a hefty bank of vivid Grampio moments as well…from calling us ‘gabagoule’ to sharing his secret treasures and stashes…I’m grateful that he found joy in being a grandfather...and gave us each our own unique set of Grampio memories.

Yesterday, when I found out Grandpa had passed, my first thought was ‘Grandpa and Nana are together again.’ What has brought me tremendous comfort is NOT thinking about it as Grandpa’s first day away from us and away from this earth, but as his first day spent back with Nana, his Rosy. I thought about what that reunion must have looked and sounded like, and thought, man, Nan’ must be giving him some talkin’ to…then, I did some quiet reflecting about what they both must be doing even right at this very moment. I realized how finally there must be peace…just infinite, shimmering peace…and how the only things they are experiencing together now are love, laughter, and joy…wherever they are.

I spent a lot of time with the images of my grandfather the past 24 hours, and at the end of it all, I believe his and Nana’s spirit sat with me and helped me write these words. He wanted me to thank you all for being his family. He loved each and every one of you very much, and wants us to always love each other. Try your hardest not to break the bond of family that he held at greatest importance. Finally, above all else, Grandpa wanted me to tell you that he is alright, he is with Nan, and that he is incredibly happy."

I never got to read those words outloud for my family to hear, but that's okay. I guess I was supposed to write them for myself, and ride on them through the sad moments of this weekend. Who knows?