This used to be the view from my classroom window last year:
Now today, with the start of a new school a year (a year that - had I not left teaching - would have been the start of my third year in the classroom) I'm not headed to a classroom with a view of NYC, I'm headed to NYC itself. By EXPRESS BUS.
Design school starts in two weeks from today, and instead of sitting home and thinking about how I didn't make it as a teacher or about all my former students asking where I am, I'm getting out there to test the MTA waters for the best route to get me where I need to be these next three months.
How do I feel about it all?
Sad.
Definitly relieved, too (because if I were going back today, I know in my heart it would've felt wrong), but mostly sad, and a little unnerved. If you allow me to take a moment to be melodramatic, there's a part of me that feels like a failure...like there's a fundamental flaw in my personality that caused me to not make it as a teacher. Even though I know deep down this is not true, and I've expressed in great depths here, here, and here (among other places) what led me to leave, a part of me can't help but feel it, and feel lost.
I'm combating the negative thoughts that I suspected today would bring with well-wishes to my teacher-friends and family, a whole morning and afternoon worth of adventure by public transportation, and the drowning of myself in my new book and the first day of Week in the Life.
(More info on Week in the Life HERE.)
Thanks for allowing me to process this day and reading what I had to say about the upcoming school year without me in it. Mostly, I just want to wish my bunch happiness and growth this year. They were the heartbeat of the job, and what I'll miss the most.
Now, without further ado, I'd like stop looking and speaking about what's behind me, and turn my face in the direction of what's ahead of me. This post is my transition into that.
