For 16 days, he was back in my life...
...and yesterday morning, over his lox and cream cheese bagel, and my western feta omelet and curly fries, we had our last meal in New York before he set off for Texas.
His shirt said 'NEVER STOP EXPLORING'. It had a yellow camping tent on it.
Now he's gone again, but in a very different way then he's been the past six months - heck, the past year. This time, he gone from me on a positive note. I'm not without him and completely on my own. We've spent the past 16 days talking and reuniting and...rekindling? <-- (I'm not sure I want to use that word yet.)
Sixteen days ago, we had our first hug and 'the talk' it took months for us to have, then he stopped by my house a few days later for the first time since...; then Friday night we had a date - like old times - to Austin street for dinner; the next day, I went to lunch and reunited with his whole family. Card games were played, bean bags were tossed, and line dances were attempted. Laughs, food, & Carvel. The grown women washed the dishes, the men melted on reclining couches; I went home with a Mexican worry doll (like it knew, and wanted to help or something). The day after that we drove to Long Island for a Sunday BBQ with his college friends and their wives and kids (where I got a little tipsy and dropped my phone in the deep end of the pool)...and that was just within the first week of our reuniting. Lots of emotions going on.
Last week, I took a break from the whirlwind of emotions Monday, but he came over after work for a bit to help me fix a flat tire Tuesday; Wednesday, Thursday, Friday were all about the beach with my girls, relaxing at home, dinner with dad, Sister's Day, and getting a new iPhone. I didn't see him. Saturday, he sent me flowers. It was the 7th anniversary of our first date. In the evening, we met up in NYC with friends he had yet to see and say goodbye to (see pics of the people in my Project Life |week 31|). I wore the closest pair of shoes I own to cowboy boots, just to be fun. The next day, Sunday, was supposed to be his last full day in New York, but he decided to take another day and pack, and leave Tuesday (yesterday) instead of Monday. I was with him and his family for his 'last dinner in NY' on Sunday, eating Chinese food in Flushing. I rode my bike to him Monday, and eased his mind while he finished packing and paper-shredded. Monday night I had another 'last dinner in NY' with him and his mom at a small Filipino eat-in that had a 'B' rating on the window. ...and there, with a mound of rice between us, I ate with them and teared up over my halo halo, thinking of it really being 'goodbye'.
Then, yesterday, and the opening image of this post. He picked me up, and we sat across a table from each other in Triple Crowne Diner and had breakfast - the real, actual 'last meal in NY' before he moves to Texas.
'Never Stop Exploring' said his t-shirt...
...and I'm glad he's not. He's been wanting to move out of his parents' apartment, and move out of New York for years. He's been wanting to explore and go somewhere more his speed with more of the activities he enjoys. He's wanted to break free. I'm so happy and proud of him that he has. He needs to do this.
...and I'm glad I'm not. I've mustered up the courage to leave teaching - a profession I really thought was going to be it - to attend graphic design school in the Fall and explore the creative side of me I've kept dormant for so many years. I'm so happy and proud of me that I am. I need to do this.
So maybe THIS: maybe we're both two people that really love each other, who are doing what they need to be doing right now for themselves, so that if or when they get back together, they will be able to bring the findings of their individual explorations to the table.
...maybe.
We'll see...
...but, I miss him already.
