June is the pipe dream month -- the month you never think will get here until it does. :)
Well, it's here, and we're in day 4, and my intention this month - fueled by my one little word for 2013 - is MAKE PEACE WITH LEAVING.
By the end of this week, I goal to tell my principal that I shan't be returning to teach next year. It terrifies me on so many levels, but I know it's what I need to do. The hardest part has been knowing there are less than 20 work days left with my crazy bunch -- who I love so much -- and who I won't see everyday next year.
That makes me sad.
That makes me feel guilty.
You see, I could do this job. I'm good at it, but it hasn't fulfilled me. For two years, I wake up not wanting to go to work -- even though the kids are funny and all that. The complete dynamic of my day as a teacher doesn't strengthen me. That's it. It's not the right fit, and I deserve a job that I adore.
So I've decided this is the time that I should -- and CAN -- try something else. I'm not leaving without a clue as to what, I'm leaving with a very clear directive of what's next.
With that being said, I need to STOP IT. Stop the self-battering that keeps occurring when I walk through the school's halls and know I'm not returning. Stop doubting myself. Stop cowering.
I need to channel the confidence from within. I've never made a decision that I didn't believe in my heart was right, and this decision is no different. I need to make peace with it. That's my goal.
This month is going to be tough, but happy. I'm happy that this job that drains me so is going to come to an end, but I dread goodbyes. I love my motley crew, and I have to make peace with leaving them.
We'll see how it turns out, I guess.
