Last Friday morning, before school started, there was a meeting and the woman who's been my school's union representative told everybody she'd be retiring at the end of the year. Some of the things she said was "she knows it's time." Most of New York City contributes the problems in the Department of Education on Mayor Bloomberg. He'll supposedly be out in two years, and then figure the system will need another 5 to 10 years after that to reverse the damage he's done to the profession. I don't know.
This woman said she cannot wait that long for that to happen, and who knows if it will ever happen, ever get better. She said now's the time to leave because she wants to leave while there's still fond memories of teaching left. She said that the system keeps changing, and she doesn't have it in her to change with it anymore. She said it's just not fun anymore.
This was a veteran teacher. ...and the scary part was she spoke for all the teachers 3 years in to 20 years in...I saw it on their faces and their head nods.
I told this story to my boyfriend who told me NYC is not the only board of education in the world. He told me other places to teach can offer different environments, different settings. He might be right, but I don't find teaching fun the way I thought I would. Sure, when my students are happy to see me, that makes me feel good. ...and sure, when I teach something, and the get it, it's rewarding, but the rest...the other 95% of the profession...is not fun, is not rewarding, and is not who I want to be.
The preference sheet panic I briefly mentioned in this post the other day is because like that retiring teacher Friday morning, I want to be done, I'm not having fun. I think I know what I want to pursue, and a great deal of Summer is going to be spent researching and seeing where it takes me, but in truth, with all my lamenting, I might have to give teaching a second year of my life. It's a solid job. It's a do-able job, but with this morning, and with every Monday morning, the thought of doing my job as a teacher makes me tired. Just the thought of it drains me.
I don't want to go today. 12 more days of March left.
Three more full weeks of school left until Easter YaYcation.
Four more student reports to write and parent-meetings to nervously smile through.
I can't do this, but I'm doing it anyway.
I'll keep up with my #amileeveryotherdayinMarch challenge...with my #MarchPhotoADay challenge, with my Project Life journalling, with the looking forward to my friend's wedding on the 30th, my sewing class on the 31st, the online Sketchbook class on the 1st...
I force all these things to fill up my brain during my everyday. This is so I can remain sanguine. (I learned that word this weekend. Sanguine. Great word.) Sanguine, despite my frustration and confusion. Get me through March. Get us through April. July or bust.
xOxO,
*This blog can act like my sounding-board. Sometimes it's repetitious and downright whiny. Thanks for reading --all the way up to here-- anyway.
Now, I gotta go make an egg and cheese omlette.
Byeeee!
