As soon as my students walk in, I am happy and cheerful and glad to see 'em. I stifle and shut up all the emotions that caused tears during my whole commute-morning to work.
Right before I 'round the hallway corner to the gym to pick them up, I drown all the anxiety and gather all the strength I can muster and go get 'em. This has happened more than once. I'm back to the wall, waiting 'til the lasty last second to go pick them up and be done with my 'free period', watching the seconds-hand on the hallway clock tick away. Two weeks ago, the janitor passed me and asked, "Are you waiting for a bus?" I guess that's what I looked like.
On my morning commute, if a light turns yellow in front of me, I don't try to burn through it. I slow up. I take my time. I want to spend as little time at work as possible...down the the micro-seconds.
My students don't know this. My coworkers don't know this.
The mentor lady that meets with me two times a week and talks to me about my tenure portfolio doesn't know this. (...and God! ...when she talks to me about long-term teaching and doing this for years, I fight back tears...literally I've choked up in my throat, and fought it back!) I've been strong where it matters.
My poor boyf, sister, mom, dad, friends, blog, and cats, though...they've been getting the worst of me lately.
I miss me like this:
That girl is in here...somewhere. ;)
I'll figure it out.
pic from a friend's wedding back in July 2011
xOxO,
