Amanda Rose blog

WTF, Saturday?!

Yep.

Here I was at work yesterday -- on a  Saturday -- cleaning, making charts, and sorting through MOUNDS of paperwork.  I got dizzy twice and had to sit down.  

The reason is because of a "mock" Quality Review our school has going on Thursday.  "Mock" meaning it isn't real and doesn't count for anything, but the school's atmosphere is still one of tension, nerves, and fear.  Yep, fear. I've heard many teachers 1, 2, 5, and 15+ years in saying they're losing sleep over the amount of work they've had to produce and pressure they feel.

I'm so over it.

I'm going to attack this upcoming Hell Week with a postive attitude, a focus on giving myself time to zone out in center clarity, peace, serenity, and with this song in my head.

Que Sera Sera!

SIDE NOTE:

Whenever I mention that I'm considering leaving the teaching profession

someone never fails to say to me "the grass is always greener..."

AT THIS POINT: I don't care which grass is greener,

as long as I'm not mowing it on the weekend.

what I wore // School Spirit Day

Yesterday, I was in full T.G.I.F. mode, and I'm so happy I'm coming to you the Saturday after, and last week is OVER. Phew! Made it.

DIY FLOWER post

We teachers & student of P.S. 129 were instructed to wear the school colors: navy & white, or the school t-shirt.  I had planned to just throw the t-shirt on over jeans, but serendipitously, this outfit happened instead.  

I was quite comfy & cozy, and complimented by coworkers. I wore just the right garb for a Friday that included a morning walk around the track for our class's walking club, and the last basketball game of the school year.  Our team was down in the last quarter until something came over me to get the crowd of kiddies goin'!  I got up and shouted "LET'S GO WILDCATS!" only for it to be repeated by the sea of 5th graders.  I started up 'the wave' which brought smiles to both my principals and assistant principal's faces. :)  

...and guess what?  We won.
(My class and I were pretty convinced it was our cheering.)

Have a spirited Saturday, readers & peepers!

an April Friday night w/ the girls

My two friends, Elisa and Nat (seen here in this karaoke post) and I spent our second Friday in a row together last night to celebrate the end of the damned New York State testing baloney.  (All three of us are teachers.) We clanked wine glasses, and chanted "two more months"!

We talked about everything you see above, and that hummus was delicious.  I found out we've all been having 'a week' and for each of us, last night was needed.

I found out over dinner last night that a few months ago my boyfriend called my friend Elisa and talked to her for 3+ hours about me. ? ?  It kind of ticked me off because a lot of the things he said to her, I wish he had told me.  Things I needed to hear from him, she knew, but I didn't.  ? ?
I also found out a misunderstanding we had back in November 2012...NOVEMBER!...could have been avoided or mended if he had told me what he planned.  He never did that day, back in November.  I found out from my friend yesterday...ummm...5 MONTHS LATER...that he had planned something for us that never happened because of the miscommunication and misunderstanding that happened on that November night.  ? ? I don't know.  

Doesn't make sense to me, but whatever. I cried, but only after Elisa cried. Nat disclosed that she hasn't 'thought' so much in her life.  Elisa and I welcomed her to 'the club' so to speak: the Over-Analyzers Not-So-Anonymous.

Our night winded down back at Elisa's place, and right before we left, us three were cozy under blankets on Elisa's couches.

I'm so grateful for these girls.

Over dinner, that's one big thing we talked about:
learning to be more in the moment,
and grateful for the good in everyday.

I'm grateful I have only a mild hangover this morning. ;)

Hope you all enjoy your Saturday.

*tear

I'm sad to have to wave goodbye to this much needed ten days.

I will not be getting a wide spread of time like this again until Summer.
Summer vacation is 60 work days away.
Yes, I counted.

I know that is not a tremendous amount of time, but looking at it from the start, it is.

But here we are, teachers: in the home stretch.

I hope the warmer weather helps.
I hope the promise of summer at the end of this home stretch helps.
I hope the checkpoints of happiness (like Jimmy Fallon one month from today) come quickly, and feel lengthy.

I'll be bloggin' my way through it all here.  
I'm aiming to get through these next 3 months with positivity and productivity.

Love you, Spring Break. Miss you already.

This guy's goin' to be more upset than me, I think.

panic attack

Yesterday, after dropping the kiddos to the cafeteria for lunch and doing the usual check-my-mailbox routine, I discovered the TEACHER PREFERENCE SHEET for next year.  I knew it was going to be passed out soon, but I was kind of hoping after Spring Break...

...so much for that.

You might recall last year's Preference Sheet panic attack, where I couldn't get a grip on the year I was at the time currently teaching in, and then BOOM! Preference Sheet! ...and you're forced to think about September of the next year, and starting it all over again.

This year's panic is a bit different. :)

This year, it is as clear as the shnoz on my face:  I will not be coming back next year.  I have realized new career dreams and goals, and the thought of entering my school building in September of this year and starting another year like the past two all over again, makes me feel weak and fainty.

But now, with this Pref. Sheet on my lap, the opportunity has presented itself to let people know of the aforementioned fact. Uh, prinicpal, I will not be coming back next year.  I have a feeling this will be a lot less dramatic than I'm thinking it will be in my head, but I'm nervous. I'm such a people pleaser (major flaw!) and I'm afraid this news won't please her.

Then there's telling my para, Wanda. I love her to death.  She saved my life the past two years in terms of getting through most days.  Telling her scares me even more!  I feel like I'm going to majorly disappoint her. :(

...and then there's THE EYES I'm panicked about.  You know the ones: the wide eyes from all those co-workers that didn't see it coming.  The ones that can't understand why I would go through years of school, years of subbing, papers, essays, long hours, hard work, mock lessons, student-teaching (gah!), and most recently two years of actual teaching (that I wished and prayed oh so hard for) to just abandon it like that.  

(My parents gave me 'THE EYES'  for a full year until just recently getting on board.)

I'm preparing myself for all that.  I'm in a bit of a panic thinking about it coming, but mostly, I'm confident and driven.  Confident in the decision to leave teaching that last year I was confused about and not ready to make, and driven by the thought of my career plans finishing out the year.

Confident and driven.
Confident and driven.
Confident and driven.

Repeat, repeat, repeat when you're getting
those questioning EYES of horror and doubt.

;)

Thanks for reading, as always.

P.S. - I think it's funny that on this same day last year, this was my post.  Some time has past (a full year!) and I've figured it out.  :)  I still remember that Monday morning, and the feelings that went along with it.  Those feelings are still with me today, holding on to my new career drive like children gripping to their mother's hands as they cross a busy street.

a Day in the Life | 2.28.2013

Thursday I participated in Ali Edwards' documenting exercise of capturing a 'day in the life' of yourself. 

I'm not usually one to 'exact replica' another's style of doing something.  Usually I'm more of a 'oh-that's-cool-I'm-inspired-How-can-I-make-that-more-my-style' kind of crafter, but when I saw Ali's January DayintheLife insert, I was floored.  It was so beautiful and appealed to the designer/life-artist in me more than I can describe, so I really wanted to give it a shot JUST LIKE SHE DID IT.

I purchased and downloaded Ali's templates...HERE and HERE.
I printed her recording sheet which helped me track my day...HERE.
I woke up Thursday excited for the project, and I did it.

It was a heck of a good time.

I love the end result:

Some of the happenings from the morning:

...and the highlights from the afternoon and evening:

Here's how I fit it into the |week 9| spread of my Project Life album.  

I strongly recommend giving the next 'Day in the Life' a try.  

I'm definitely going to give it another go, and it will be interesting to compare my day in March to this day from February, especially since my 'Day in the Life' March edition is going to take place during Spring Break off from teacher work.  Woo hoo! How much more exciting it might be! (OR NOT! Pajamas all day, anyone?)  Haa haa!  We'll see!

Have a happy Sunday in the life!

;)

bathroom prayers

I'm a tad sentimental about leaving this four-day weekend behind.  I know I'm going to need a quick session of bathroom prayers once I get into work.

Bathroom prayers are when -- in the frenzy of my hour-before-the-kids-arrive teacher routine -- I retreat to the bathroom (I don't even have 'to go') stare up at the weird flourescent lighting and pray to get me through this day.  I'm in there for only a minute or two, but the intention is to ask for help...

            ...from God.

It's silly, really.  This job is silly really.  It's so not right for me, it's laughable.  Then I think about four more months of it and I stop laughing.

I stop laughing, and start praying:

"God, please make these four months feel fast." 

Yeah.

Like that.

Do you pray? Where do you do most of your praying?

this madness is finite. it has an end date. (repeat. repeat.)

I suppose it's time to talk about the hashtag I've created to document the amount of paper I, as a special education teacher in the New York City Department of Education, scrounge for, accumulate, and have to print on a daily basis in order to survive a typical work day.  

#ImNotATeacherImATextbookMaker is meant to point out that with the incredible amounts of time, energy, and brain power it takes to create the curriculum, classwork, and homework meant to reinforce what you teach everyday in your classroom, how can teachers focus on doing their best teaching?!

It's like having a recipe for chicken pot pie that you have to prepare for the president in two hours, but none of the ingredients to do so.  So you rush to the store, scrounge for as many ingredients you can in the small amount of time you have, and quickly scan the recipe so you can make something...SOMETHING!...relatively edible, because there's just no humanly possible way you could make a dish in that amount time be what it's supposed to be without the initial ingredients at your disposal.  That is our current education system.

There is something dangerously wrong with this.  If teachers don't know what's going on and feel insecure about what they enter their day with, then their students willl suffer.  If the curriculum doesn't make sense to us teachers, how can we make it comprehensible to our students?

Bottom line: time is money and do you know how many unpaid hours I spend textbook-making?

I didn't sign up for this. 

What keeps me going is knowing that this all-consuming paper-portion of my life has an end date.
It is finite.  

I will NOT being doing this maddening work in 20 years. I will NOT be doing this soul-stifling work in 10 years. I will NOT be doing this work next year.  Teaching  Textbook-making is not for me. (I think I've said that before.) Neither is force-feeding ridiculous "common core" down my students throats, or preparing them in vain for a test high schoolers would have trouble with.

"Did you ever wish you could freeze frame a moment in your day, look at it and say 'This is not my life'?" --Daniel in Mrs. Doubtfire

I don't know how I'm going to make through to June 26th, but I'm really going to try and push through, and do my best.  That way, nobody could tell me different.  I gave all of myself -- in spite of myself -- to these ten kiddos, and then I'm saying "Goodbye, and Good Night!" "That's all, folks!" ...and I'm tap-dancing out of this job.

Moving on.  Moving forward.

That's all for today.

On a MUCH brighter note,
my grams is coming in tomorrow
and staying the weekend.

It's going to be completely fabulous!

...and it will certainly
MAKE JANUARY AWESOME.

xOxO,

at least

I have to publicly say here: "Sorry, mom."  

She said those words above to me this morning, and I just lost it.
Yes, it's Friday, but even still it's the fifth day in a row I've waken up at 3:30 am to figure out what I'm going to teach these kids, and another 8-to-3 I have to anxiously drudge through.  I kiss any semblance of a "Friday night" goodbye because - like yesterday - I'll probably be sleeping by 7pm.

Nobody seems to understand, but that's okay. :) January's always tough for me, and I'm having a bit of a hard time.  Lately, when someone tries to make me feel better, with words like , "Oh, it goes fast," or "..at least it's Friday," I feel worse.  It being June will make me feel better, and I know I've got a while.

However, it usually does feel fast once it's here, and at least it is Friday, so...that's awesome...

...and I am trying my best to MAKE JANUARY AWESOME INSTEAD OF NOT AWESOME.

Let me focus on that.

T.G.I.F.

Hope the weekend move s-l-o-w-l-y.

play with frosting

I've been wanting to post this since Tuesday, but this last week of school (and whole month actually) sucked every ounce of life and time in my day.

However, here I am -- bright and early -- this Chritsmas Eve EVE, with a few shots of our "Gingerbread" houses ('cause they're really made from graham crackers).

Our 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders had a ball making their gingerbread houses.  We used an empty, washed out little milk carton as a base to stick the grahams to.  The rest was up to them.

It was the highlight of my week.

-    -    -    -    -     -    -    -    -

Today I'm going to be last minute shopping,
crafting some DecemberDaily pages,
blasting Christina Perri's Christmas Songs,
trying this out,
and
readying my New Year's Stamps to be listed in the shop.

Pheewf!

Busy busy girl today.

See yas later!